Has Time Left Shadow of the Colossus Behind?

This is going to be a difficult and probably controversial article, but it's one I feel needs to be discussed. Before we begin, I'd just like to say that Shadow of the Colossus is one of my favourite games, an incredible work of art and experience. The first time I heard of it I spent months trying to hunt down a copy for my PS2, ended up paying close to 100 dollars on eBay for one. The experience was unmatched by anything I'd played before. The scope of the game, the sheer size and spectacle of the Colossi, the heart-breaking story and desolation, the relationship between boy and horse, everything blew me away. So when I found out Team Ico was releasing a HD collection, including Ico (which  hadn't played before because I couldn't find a copy), I pre-ordered straight away. But something strange happened when the game arrived. I fired up SotC and was instantly blown away by the loving detail it had been rendered in. The new textures, lighting and frame rate improves shone through, it felt like a true remastering of a classic. It was like someone had breathed a whole new life into it. And then I started to play the game and began to notice things. Little things. Things like the finicky and unresponsive horse controls, the camera that seems to exist in it's own world completely independent of your control, the ever increasing AI quirks, the unresponsive climbing controls. And ten I realised, with the spectacle of the Colossi removed, and the connection to the world and the story already experienced, what was left was a very flawed game. A very flawed, frustrating and often times very un-fun game. I was shocked. Had it always been like this, I wondered. Was I simply looking back on my experience with nostalgia glasses, forgetting all the frustrations and only remembering the good times, a la Uncharted 2? I can't honestly answer the question.Perhaps the quirk were always there, but the initial experience was enough to mask them. My sister is playing through the game for the first time alongside me and hasn't noticed any of the problems  have, so perhaps it is true. Perhaps time really has left Shadow of the Colossus behind. Now in o way am I calling into question SotC's quality. It is a truly incredible experience, and everyone should play the game once. But the thing is, it doesn't stand up to a second playthrough. I've had to stop playing, it's just too frustrating for me. The frustration is increased by the fact that I feel betrayed. I want to have as much fun as I had the first time, as much fun as my sister is having now. I want to relive the mystery, the grief as each colossus fell under your hand, the triumph, the heartache the spectacle, but I just can't. And that's a real shame. Have I just grown old and cynical? I honestly don't know, but I feel like a part of my childhood has died with this game. As my character desperately clings onto a colossi's head as it shakes it around violently for the tenth time in a row without break, a motion it will continue to repeat at least twice after I've fallen off without stabbing it once for the fifth or sixth time, I feel Wanda's pain. I get up, eject the disc, place it back in it's case and file it away, vowing to hold onto the memories of the good times, instead of weathering through the storm in the hope it gets better.

Alien Vs Ninja Review

If there's one thing I love, it's obscure films that sound like they'd be rubbish but actually surprise you. Alien Vs Ninja is one of these films. I'll be honest, I was drawn in right from the start by the title. It sounded so ridiculous it just had to be good. Written and directed by Japanese-born American Seiji Chiba, AvN tells the story of a small group of Iga ninja tasked with investigated a mysterious fireball that lands outside their village. However, they are attacked by a group of lightning-fast, hyper-deadly aliens that quickly slaughter all but a few of them. To be honest, there really isn't much of a story to be had here, as the title says, this is a movie about ninjas fighting aliens and little else. So ridiculous story aside, there's a lot of good to be found here. For one, the entire movie is filmed with an over-the-top anime sensibility and sense of humor, which, being a mad anime fan, really worked for me. This is the closest I've seen to a live action anime so far. So the "comedy" part of this movie is a definite plus. The other huge plus is the "action" part of the trifecta. The fight scenes are choreographed and filmed beautifully and skilfully, it's always easy to follow what's happening and Seiji expertly weaves the overthetop anime style and humour into some of the many fantastic action scenes. The only real let down is the aliens themselves. This is obviously a low budget film and it really shows in the creatures. They are all achieved by suits and the occasional CGI. The choice here is obvious, the suits allow better choreographed fight scenes, but the side effect is that the creatures don't look all that impressive or intimidating. It's also let down by cheap CGI and effects and bad use of lighting. But if you're like me and all you're looking for is a fun movie about ninjas fighting aliens, then this is definitely what you'll get. It's an A grade ninja movie wrapped up in a B grade monster flick, but that's ok with me. It's fun, gory, brutal, fast and funny, and it's ninjas fighting aliens. What else do you want, honestly?

Catherine Review

I'm going to admit something, before Catherine I had never heard of/played an Atlus game. I had heard the Persona series mentioned before, but long after I got rid of my PS2, so I chalked it off into the "missed opportunity" category along with a few FF games. However, I was hooked on Catherine from the very first screenshot and trailer. Hell, I pre-ordered the special edition as soon as it was announced, something I rarely ever do. So what was it about this game that caught my interest so and was my interest misplaced?

Trying to define Catherine is rather difficult. At it's core, it's a puzzle game, wrapped up in a dating sim rpg, tied together with an erotic/psycho horror story with a healthy dose of the supernatural. The entire game is presented as a japanese anime, with gorgeously animated cutscenes courtesy of Studio 4°C. Outside of the cutscenes, the entire game is done in a cell-shaded/anime style, creating a smooth transition between gameplay and cutscene. I feel especially sorry for the character animators, the japanese over-the-top anime style carries over from the cutscenes to the gameworld, creating some ridiculous facial and body expressions. So what is the story? You are Vincent Brooks, 32, slacker and man child. He's been dating his girlfriend Katherine, also 32 with long flowing hair and glasses, not attractive in the conventional sense but she certainly has a captivating allure. Vincent loves her dearly but is having trouble committing, and when Katherine begins dropping "hints" towards marriage and an unexpected pregnancy, Vincent's life begins to go to shit. After experiencing a bizarre nightmare, he then proceeds to have a drunken one night stand with Catherine, a young mysterious blonde bombshell. Thus begins a spiral into insanity as Vincent struggles to deal with the pressures of responsibility, faithfulness and maturity, all whilst trying to work out just why he is having these nightmares and who is trying to kill him. Atlus handles the story with a surprising maturity, even with the anime craziness exterior. A surpising amount of men could sympathise with Vincent's plight, despite every second word coming out of his mouth being completely the wrong one; though let's be honest, we've all been there. The intensity of the story is matched by the intensity of the nightmare stages. These crushingly difficult block-pulling sections get the heart rate and stress flying, pulling you violently into Vincent's shoes, making you feel his desperate fight for survival in this crazy world.

For those that don't know, I'm not a huge fan of puzzle games. Whilst I like to challenge my mind, I do not find them enjoyable, especially the hard ones and trust me when I say that Catherine is hard. Probably one of the hardest games I've played, easily matching wits with the likes of Witcher 2 or Demon's Souls. Catherine's saving grace, however, is that the difficulty is rarely unfair. All puzzles are solvable if you wrap your mind around it, and apart from some AI quirks and dodgy camera controls (I fucking hate static cameras), Catherine is always tough but fair. The puzzles constantly evolve, requiring more and more complex techniques and throwing in all sorts of traps and tricks to send you to your doom; slippery ice blocks, unmovable blocks, spike traps, mystery boxes and boxes that move on their own to name but a few. Oh, and did I mention the bottom of the tower is always falling away? So you better reach the top fast or it's game over. Thankfully, at least on easy, retries are plentiful and you can undo any mistakes you make. Switch it up to hard though, and suddenly the undo is gone and the retries vanish as fast as you find them. Thankfully, you can change difficulty between nightmares, but sadly not during. My advice, start on Easy. Seriously. Don't forget this is a Japanese game you're playing.

The other gameplay element is the "dating sim rpg". This is the daytime missions and basically involve drinking at the bar with your friends, talking to friends and strangers trying to piece together the mystery, and fielding texts from your increasingly concerned girlfriend and increasingly flirtatious mistress. Did I mention there's dirty pictures involved? The more Vincent drinks, the faster he is in the nightmare, so the alcohol flows freely. There is also an arcade game version of the block puzzles provided, giving you some welcome practise, though it would have been nice to have some different arcade games mixed in, maybe a fighting game (Atlus makes a fighting series whose name escapes me), just to break the repetition a little. All the time, Vincent and his actions are judged by a mysterious red and blue meter. After each stage, he is asked a simple binary question, which also affects this meter. This meter and Vincent's actions push him towards one of 8 endings. I really enjoyed the small online aspect of being able to see everyone's first time answers to the questions, some of them were really eyeopening. There's also competitive and co-op online modes, though I haven't tried these out yet.

I mentioned the gorgeous cutscenes earlier but they really deserve a repeat mention. Studio 4C is one of my favourite japanese animation studios, right up there with Ghibli and Production I.G and they really lend a lot of credibility to the story. The only complaint I have is that the audio in the cutscenes is mixed way louder than the gameplay sections, causing me to ride the volume nob quite violently at times throughout Catherine. On the subject of audio, the music and voice acting is top notch. The music is basically remixed versions of famous classical tunes and really matches the overall feel of the game. I kinda wish there was some option to get Japanese VO, just because I'm a stickler like that, but the english voice acting is great quality all around, avoiding the usual English dub pitfalls. The localisation is flawless, and if you didn't know otherwise you would swear it was a Western game.

So, how do you some up Catherine? In the end, I have to applaud it's originality. Atlus has given us something here that is truly, truly unique. It feels concise, thematically and visually everything ties together. The gameplay, while at times frustrating, is tempered b the driving need to see what happens next in the story, the gorgeous visuals and the driving soundtrack. This isn't a game for everyone, but it's a game everyone should play. And with 8 different endings, replayability is a must. So congrats, Atlus, for creating one of the first games I can truly call original in a long time. Aren't games wonderful creations? Stay Golden, everyone. *cue Japanese wave animation and fade out*

Darksiders Review

Ah, Darksiders. Vigil Games and THQ's oft-criticised "zelda-clone". Funny how that very criticism is what made me want to buy this game in the first place.

Darksiders tells the tale of War, one of the four horseman, who is tricked into starting the apocalypse early and sentenced to death by the omnipotent "Council". In order to clear his name, he returns to Earth to kill everyone who betrayed him and in the process uncovers a deep conspiracy frmo the lowest pits of hell to the highest peaks of heaven. The story in Darksiders is surprisingly deep and interesting, helped along by some great writing and brilliant voice acting. Mark Hamill leads his best Joker insanity to War's "keeper", The Watcher, a kind of Navi-esque character, but Navi after she's finally gone insane from listening to herself too long and has taken to whiping Link for shits and giggles. Outside of gaming regulars Phil LaMarr and Fred Tasciore, Liam O'Brien lends a haunting baritone to War and Moon Bloodgood provides a righteousness to Uriel that helps highlight the character's tragedy. Also pulling at the heartstrings and beating against your chest is the brilliant soundtrack, easily on par with God of War's epic blasts, but mixed with a tenderness often missing from action games.

And that's the thing, to classify Darksiders as an action game would be doing it an injustice. At it's heart, it is in adventure game very much in the vein of Ocarina of Time. At least at the beginning. War must travel to four dungeons, collecting items in each dungeon and fighting incredible bosses. However, later levels draw from more modern sources by giving you a portal gun and some very interesting portal based puzzles, including a portal based boss and mini-boss. The combat itself is similar to Zelda, you have one button to attack and a lock on, as well as three slots for items and one for a secondary weapon. You can change between weapons and items on the fly, building some easy and effective combos. My only real complaint about the combat is that there is too much of it, especially where it isn't needed. As the game progresses, they begin to throw wave after wave after wave after wave of enemies at you, often mixing in mini-bosses until you're almost numb and frustrated from the endless combat when you'd rather be doing something more fun like puzzle solving or platforming, both of which Darksiders does brilliantly. This is the best dungeon design I've seen since Ocarina of Time, hell, there's even an annoying water temple.

Darksiders may not be the prettiest game, in fact it's received a lot of flak for its graphics and art style, however I am a huge fan of both. I love the over-the-top character design, the burning reds and greens of the demons and against the bright whites and golds of the angelic horde. The graphics remind me of a graphic novel, although they aren't cell-shaded, just exagerrated almost to the point of carriacature. They won't be to everyone's liking, but they suited me just fine and really lent a sense of life to the world. There's also plenty of varied locations, which is good because, like any good "zelda" game, there's a lot of backtracking to be done as new items open up new areas. And there's a lot of hidden stuff to find and collect as well for huge rewards.

Darksiders is not a perfect game, and yes it does borrow heavily from other games, but it does well as its own game. It is fun, challenging and surpisingly deep and clever with a great story to keep you engaged, a well written soundtrack and powerful sound effects to draw you in, and at least 15-20 hours of gameplay. If you're a fan in any way of action-adventure-puzzle-dungeon-crawlers, then this is the game for you. A must play.

Darkiders is available on PS3, Xbox360 and PC. This review is of the PS3 version.

Dungeon Seige III - Gameplay Preview

Dungeon Seige III, featuring the appetising display of both Square Enix and Obsidian's name, is a game I had little intrest in. I had not played, nor heard of, the first two, and to be honest I've never been one for the dungeon crawler, Diablo style game. However, after seeing the free demo on Steam the other day, I figured, what the heck, I'll give it a whirl. The demo takes place at what I can guess is the start of the game. You can play as either Lucas, a sword-weilding hack and slasher, or Anaji, a mythical fire-weilding woman, who fights with fire and spear. Both characters are really fn, and the combat is pretty intuitive and easy to pick up. The character is either controlled by holding and draggin the right mouse, or the slightly more clumsy WASD. The camera is set at aclose or far isomentric, depending on you preferance. Combat is as simple as clicking, with the number keys used for special abilities and the space bar for blocking and rolling. Each character has two fighting stances, a fast syle for single foes, or a slower, group style. Switching between them is a simple as pressing Q and can be done at anytime in a split second. The rest of the game appears to be taken up by questing, exploring and looting, and while I can't say much for questing from the demo, there is definitely an abundance of loot that would please even the most Diablo-hardened gamer. The inventory system is simple, if nothing ground breaking, and items can be equipped, sold or "transmuted" into coin, fixing the commonplace rpg issue of what to do with all your loot when the nearest store is miles and miles away. On the graphics side, the game is surprisingly beautiful, and ran butter smooth at ultra settings on my laptop. The environments are gorgeous and really detailed, water effects and lighting are fantastic, and even the character models are surprisingly good for an isometric game. Sure they look a little funky in the cutscenes, but they are meant to be admired at a distance. This demo has really got me quite excited about this game, and if I have moved in with my friend at it's release, I'll probably buy it. If you're looking for a fun, if not ground-breaking, co-op loot collecting hack and slash dungeon crawler to tide you over until Diablo III, then this is the game for you. I recommend checking the demo out. Dungeon Seige is coming to the PC, Xbox 360 and PS3 on June 18.

Red Riding Hood Review - Guest Review by Cheryl Billman

A Review of Catherine Hardwicke’s Red Riding Hood
or, ‘Why I Hate Today’s Cinema’


There are probably those that would argue that Red Riding Hood is kind of like Twilight-meets-The Village-meets-Jack the Ripper-meets-The Crucible. Don’t listen to these people, they’re fucking idiots, and they’re making this film sound much better than it actually is.

LET’S GET SOMETHING STR8~
Red Riding Hood aka “The Worst Movie I Have Ever Forced Myself to Endure in Its Entirety” borrows aspects, plot twists, and (in some cases) actual dialogue from each of the aforementioned films, intertwines them and then loosely assembles them into a tour de force of poor taste via a weak and fundamentally flawed plot constituting 60% “mystery”, 30% "romance", and 10% "supernatural themes".

A part of me wants to say that Catherine Hardwicke, director of this “cinematic” shit-storm, intended to pay homage to all of the films mentioned in the introduction. The other, more intelligent half of my brain realizes that anyone who would dedicate time and money to this film without a shred of inhibition isn’t actually smart enough to pay homage to anything other than Taylor Lautner’s abs.

I can’t go much further without a disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER:
The 830pm viewing of Red Riding Hood that I attended was practically deserted save for four young couples somewhere in their mid-20’s and five quite clucky middle-aged women who – and I can tell you this with confidence, because I was eavesdropping on the loud, indiscreet conversation they were having over the previews [as a side note: FUCK I HATE IT WHEN I DO THIS, AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO APPRECIATES THE SANCTITY OF MOVIE PREVIEWS] – had just moved to Brisbane from a small rural town. All were dedicated Twilight fans, and all but one suffered from perennial single-dom, but none among their number was astute enough to realize that both misfortunes were, in all likelihood, directly correlated to each other.

I mention the people who inhabited the cinema with me because I spent more time watching them than I did the actual screen. The couples were the most interesting to watch, because this “film” is built on the same foundation as every other "film" released in the past three years: a love triangle between three really ridiculously good-looking people who lack personality and are essentially undeserving of the love of another human being.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking about all the films that have approached this angle in a self-aware manner and parlayed it into a film that is gritty and real. You're thinking that some films execute this theme in a refined, interesting manner. This film is not among that distinguished few. Hence, my prolonged people-watching session.

When the majesty of the cinematic experience proved elusive, I found solace watching young girls caught in the enthrall of a twisted romance, clutching at their boyfriend’s hand, while he stonily contemplated suicide and/or tried to focus as much of his energy and attention as possible on the popcorn sitting between them.

The German’s have a word for the delight I found in this simple act: Schadenfraude.

The movie itself is barely worth discussing. This is the tale of the fictional village of Daggerhorn which is plagued by a furry menace. For those who haven’t guessed, or who have just emerged from the blissful sanctuary of some isolated cave, away from the horrors of the 21st Century (see: ‘Whip My Hair’, ‘Hannah Montana: the Movie’ and ‘90210’ – the remake) and therefore don’t actually know how the fairytale goes: it's a wolf.

Or, in this case (and in keeping with the latest Hollywood trend): IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING WEREWOLF. A big, cuddly werewolf which looks like it was animated by a twelve year old with rudimentary knowledge of graphics generation for a school I.T. project.

In the first ten minutes, the viewer is thrown into the tepid romance that exists between village girl Valarie (Amanda Seyfried), the Little Red Riding Hood of this interpretation, who shall heretofore be known as “Photogenic Lead Female” and woodcutter Peter (Shiloh Fernandez), or “Brooding Lead Male”. The dynamic of this relationship is thrown somewhat off kilter by the fact that little chemistry exists between Seyfried and Fernandez, and watching their romantic scenes is sort of akin to watching two elderly drunks get into a slurred verbal sparring match. The sizzle between the two pretty leads is sorely missed and casts a shadow over the romantic development between their characters respectively, who have apparently known each other since childhood.

Side note: in her opening monologue, Valarie laments the fact that Peter can bring out the worst in her. One of the middle-aged Twilight fans all but swooned in her seat. I choked on my frozen Coke. Suffragettes rolled over in their graves.

Hardwicke is also quick to establish that a love triangle – DID YOU HEAR THAT? A love triangle; the most underutilized of all plot elements! – exists between Valarie, Peter, and another character named Henry (Michael Shanks), who I came to know as “Boring Nice Guy”. Henry is more conventionally attractive than Peter; he is also smarter, funnier, wealthier, and infinitely more respectful of Valarie than Peter is, and he has loved Valarie from afar for an indeterminate amount of time and for indeterminate reasons. Naturally, Valarie thinks he’s a douche and wants nothing to do with him – this film does come from the school of Twilight, after all.

The village goes stir-crazy following an unprovoked death and calls in a werewolf-hunting priest who makes the Spanish Inquisitors look like friendly Latter Day Saints popping ‘round for a chat on a Sunday afternoon. This bat-shit crazy son of a bitch, played by Gary Oldman, has a personal vendetta against anything and everything that goes bump in the night. I’m not going to recount the entire plot, because there isn’t a plot worth recounting - sitting through this sloppily-assembled estrogen-fest once was enough – other than to say that the rest of the movie details the mad scramble to identify who among the cast is actually the werewolf.

Credit where credit is due, Hardwicke did her best to manufacture something sort of like suspense throughout the course of the movie – she was even successful at one point, but I won’t ruin one of the movie’s few redeeming features for you by giving it away. The rest of her attempts, however, have the same sort of effect as a reality T.V. show elimination special: you can easily guess whose headed home based on whose furrowed brow or teary-eyed expression doesn’t get airtime right before the vote is announced.

For those of you who are being reluctantly dragged kicking and screaming into seeing of this film by a friend or romantic partner, I have little words of condolence. You may cling blindly to the hope that it will be visually stunning, or that the acting will be good or that it will have a dynamic and unique soundtrack, but I wouldn’t advise it. You’d just be setting yourself up for disappointment. Having suffered through Twilight and having quite enjoyed Lords of Dogtown, I had at least hoped for stunning landscape shots from Hardwicke, director of both projects. She let me down. I was left with the impression that this was a film shot on a historically inaccurate, shoddily-dressed set built with poor quality materials.

This was probably the worst film I’ve seen this year. That’s a tall claim for me to make, seeing as I habitually browse video stores looking for the worst conceivable titles and the most laughable plot synopsis’. The only way I can adequately describe how utterly terrible this film was is to say that, if I were a male who had been dragged out of my house to endure this heinous piece of cinematic fodder, I would expect reimbursement of the most serious kind. Before you let your girlfriend or friend subject you to this test of loyalty and dedication, make sure to arrange a prize for yourself if you manage to make it out alive. Gentlemen, if it’s too late for you, suggest a trade-off: reserve the right to blow your girlfriend off for video games at a time of your choosing, without complaint from her, because it's THAT bad.

If you let your friend drag you out to this film already, and you managed to make it through without slipping into a shallow coma, I really have no suggestion for you other than to recommend you bathe in the warm glow of the knowledge that you are a good friend and a person of strong will.

4/10. And that’s being generous.     

Verbal Diarhoea - Coming Soon

Just a quick update on what's been happening behind the scenes here. I'm working on a video series appropriately titled "Verbal Diarhoea", an animated rant/review show. The first episode is nearing completion. The vocals are recorded and mixed and the animation is being storyboarded by my sister, who's kindly lended her awesome art skills to the process. Expect an episode on youtube within two to three weeks. Also, a whole slew of reviews coming soon, I've been busy. Until then, TTFN.